“Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me” (Song of Solomon 3:4).

The Song of Solomon is arguably one of the most difficult books in the Bible to understand due to its poetic nature, yet it is profound with wisdom regarding what a loving, covenant relationship should look like this side of heaven.

This particular verse is a favorite among couples and often referenced at weddings because it encapsulates what a man and woman feel when they forsake all others and commit their lives to one another in holy matrimony.

“I have found the one whom my soul loves!”

However, Song of Solomon 3:4 forces us to reconcile exactly where we’re at from a faith and relationship perspective—past, present and future—and whether we’ve laid a proper foundation which will withstand the trials of life and temptations of this world.

Therefore, if we’re destined to discover the one we’ll spend the rest of our lives with, how do we ensure we’re ready when that day comes? Or if we’re already married, how do we “thrive rather than survive” and finish well, remaining committed to each other till death do us part?

CHARACTER:

God’s Word has taught me a person’s moral character and integrity are the most important qualities to look for in a soulmate. They provide the greatest opportunity for success in life and marriage. However, your home will never withstand the storms of life if you have cracks in your foundation, and the same holds true for your personal character.

For many of us, personal experience has magnified how severe consequences of actions can be when insufficient character is exposed and our moral foundation compromised. Undoubtedly, we bear the scars of poor character decisions because we caused them, or we’re the unfortunate recipients of collateral damage caused by the character flaws in others.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it” (Matthew 7:24–27).

Jesus warned that leaning on our own understanding is a recipe for disaster if our foundation of morality is compromised by the world’s selfish standard. That is why character is so key to distinguish because it magnifies what we believe and who we ultimately allow to steer and influence our decision-making.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones” (Proverbs 3:5–8).

Character is truly the lifeblood of a Christ-follower because it flows from the heart. Like a tree planted by streams of water, it grows the more time we spend with God reading His Word, meditating on its meaning, praying for discernment, and applying its wisdom.

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake” (Psalm 23:1–3).

In many ways, character begins with faith, is sustained by trust, and kept alive by humility. Yet far too many people attempt to circumvent the process, exploit a perceived short cut, and bypass the middle-man to avoid investing the time, energy and resources required to develop Godly character and moral integrity.

FOUNDATION:

Faith is all about surrendering to God’s authority, obeying His Word, and submitting to His sovereign will. Therefore, if you desire righteous character, you have to relinquish control to God and substitute your selfish desires for His sovereign will over your life.

Character must have a solid foundation to build upon, and the absolute truth of Scripture is the only firm, resolute, and holy standard of righteousness we have access to whenever we need wisdom and discernment.

Therefore, a man who builds his life upon the absolute truth of God’s Word is wise because he understands how important a moral foundation truly is, despite what the world says to the contrary.

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:1–3).

Consequently, once faith is established, trust takes center stage and sustains a believer through the trials and temptations of this world. Trust is essentially a process of preaching the Gospel to our hearts by washing our minds with the absolute truth of God’s Word.

It is the glue which binds our faith in Christ together, connecting the dots of the Bible into one cohesive story of restoration, reconciliation and redemption—with God and one another.

“It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Where the rubber meets the road, though, comes in the application phase. Application is everything to a Christ-follower, for it distinguishes born-again, saving faith from the pattern of this world; and nowhere is application more evident than in the selfless act of humility.

HUMILITY:

Keep in mind, God never commands us to “be humble.” Rather, He instructs us to own our faith, trust in His will for our lives, and seek opportunities to put our faith into action by intentionally humbling ourselves before others.

“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14).

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (James 4:10).

“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 14:11).

Humility is the antithesis of pride. It requires putting the needs of others before our own and becoming a servant to all so Christ would be glorified. In many ways, humility separates the men from the boys because the fruit we bear testifies to the true root of character in our hearts (or lack thereof).

“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43–45).

Therefore, just as the average fruit tree which takes 3-5 years to grow before bearing fruit, Godly character takes time to develop deep roots, a strong trunk base, and healthy branches before producing leaves, blossoms and fruit.

However, the challenge with humility is we desire instant results with as little effort as possible. We’re unwilling to wait patiently as God refines our character through the fire of trials where faith is distinguished and our impurities (selfishness) cleansed from all unrighteousness.

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6–7).

COMMITMENT:

Regardless where we find ourselves on the relationship spectrum, Song of Solomon 3:4 can provide incredible insight if we shift our focus from the context of dating, engagement, and marriage, and consider its wisdom from a salvation perspective instead.

It is an indescribable feeling coming to faith in Christ. The sacrifice Jesus made, taking upon Himself the eternal judgment for our sin by dying in our place so we could be made clean and reconciled for eternity with the Father, is unfathomable and extraordinary. Yet He offered His life freely because He loves us, which paints a beautiful picture of what marriage should look like this side of heaven.

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

When we reflect upon Song of Solomon 3:4, our hearts should immediately think of Jesus because He pursues us with an everlasting love. For He is our bridegroom and we (the church) are His bride, and He will stop at nothing to restore and redeem our souls to the Father.

“So he (Jesus) told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance”” (Luke 15:3–7).

Therefore, as men, we should strive to emulate Christ’s example, but first we must reconcile our hearts to God and proclaim, “I have found the one whom my soul loves!” Why? Because love comes from the Father, and if we do not know Him, we’ll never truly understand how to love our wives as Christ loves the church.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7–8).

BOTTOM-LINE:

If we have come to saving faith in Christ, we’ve found the one whom our soul loves eternally. The challenge becomes knowing what to look for in a soulmate this side of heaven, and more importantly, what character qualities we must display to be worthy ourselves.

Therefore, if we desire to find our soulmate and build a Christ-honoring foundation which stands the test of time and trials of life, our focus must shift to building Godly character in our lives through saving faith, trust in God’s sovereignty, humbling ourselves daily, and committing to forsake all others till death do us part.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

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