Song of Solomon 4:9 (Attraction)
“You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace” (Song of Solomon 4:9).
Men, do you remember how it felt the first time you went on a date with your wife? Remember the excitement and anticipation you felt? You were romantic, attentive, and respectful. A gentleman in every sense because you were intent on making a good impression. More importantly, there was a spark of an attraction which captivated your heart and kept your eyes fixated on her at all times.
Now fast forward to today. Do you feel the same way or have you forgotten what it felt like to pursue your bride and win her heart’s devotion? Perhaps, have you lazily taken her forgiveness for granted by making excuses for your half-hearted attempts to romance her? How would she answer if asked how often you tell her what she means to you, why you love her so much, or how beautiful she is inside and out?
How often do you spend quality time with her without distractions? Are your conversations more about work and the kid’s extracurricular activities, or do you talk about your hopes and dreams, passions and interests? How often do you take time to ask good questions and listen to understand how she is feeling so you know how to encourage and pray for her?
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).
REALITY:
The harsh reality is that time has a way of making us take for granted the ones we love, our wives and children, especially. Busyness easily consumes our attention and daily routines can squeeze out any opportunity to spend quality time together despite our best intentions and empty promises to do better.
Unfortunately, the last time many of us took time to romance our wives was longer than we recall. However, our wives DO remember! They know the last time we gave a sincere compliment or selflessly met their needs without expectation. They also remember when we last planned a surprise date based on their preferences or gave them a token of our affection for no other reason than to say, “I love you!”
Yet despite our lack of consistency and intentionality, we must recognize that our brides do not expect us to be perfect. They simply want husbands who are perfectible by God’s grace, according to His Word. In other words, they do not want anything from us if our intentions are self-serving or include expectations (typically, sex). Rather, they want us to be men who are humble, considerate, selfless, and romantic.
“Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways” (Proverbs 28:6).
They also want to know they are still attractive in our eyes and capture our attention no matter how many years have passed—to know they are still desired despite their age and physical appearance. Therefore, it is our duty as providers and protectors to honor and cherish their hearts and minds through the loving and respectful words we speak on a daily basis.
EXCUSES:
There are many excuses which hinder us from being the affectionate husbands God calls us to be. For instance, we are often too busy to fit romance and dating into our weekly commitments, but why? Perhaps we were never taught how to be romantic growing up, so we do not know how. Maybe we lack ample financial resources to plan creative dates. It could be that we are too tired and worn out to prioritize them at all, unfortunately.
Whatever our reasons for justification, our wives are waiting to be pursued and losing their patience with each passing week, month, or year. They long to be desired by those of us who swore an oath before God to love, honor, and cherish them till death do us part. Why then do we lose sight of our covenant vows so easily? Are we not men of integrity who honor our words, or should our wives take what we say with a grain of salt and not trust us at all?
“As they were going along the road, someone said to him, ‘I will follow you wherever you go.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’ To another he said, ‘Follow me.’ But he said, ‘Lord, let me first go and bury my father.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ Yet another said, ‘I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.’ Jesus said to him, ‘No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God’” (Luke 9:57–62).
As I wrote about previously on Luke 9:57-62, we can easily take the gifts God places before us for granted and miss out on the enormous blessings which lie ahead. What is striking from Jesus’ teaching is that all three excuses seemed reasonable and well-intentioned, but beneath the surface conveyed motivations which elevated selfish desires over following Christ.
Similarly, we fall victim to the same deceit when we ignore the wisdom of Song of Solomon 4:9 and take time for granted. The truth is that we are not guaranteed tomorrow. For all we know, today may be our last. When then will our legacy be if all our attention is focused on monetary provision and nothing else? Are we excused by God on judgment day for providing financial resources to our families but ignoring our duties as spiritual leaders of our homes?
Are we not held liable by the Lord for how we emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically protect the hearts and minds of our beloved? Absolutely! Why then are we content with being absent in the home and allowing the enemy to plant seeds of doubt into our brides that we do not love them anymore? Should we really be surprised that our wives sometimes doubt whether we are still attracted to them?
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
WARNING:
As I wrote about in Song of Solomon 4:7, if we do not honor, affirm, and compliment our wives, rest assured that the devil will find someone who will. Satan is an expert at distracting our attention and minimizing the importance of attraction within the marriage covenant. He wants us to be tempted by the allure of lust rather than content with God’s sovereign provision. Thus, he focuses our attention on what we lack rather than appreciating what God has graciously given.
That is why we must not take time for granted but appreciate our wives as priceless gifts. Like a fine wine, they get better with age. Only the wise realize the truth of that statement! Granted, our brides might not feel that way when they look in the mirror and count their grey hairs, weight gain, wrinkles, and stretch marks from childbirth. Nonetheless, a wise husband understands that each wrinkle represents years he has been graced to share life with his best friend, and he would not trade that treasure for anything under the sun.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:30–31).
EXAMPLE: Most guys love auto shows and admiring rare antiques and limited edition builds. We love the roar of a high-powered, performance engine and appreciate fine works of craftsmanship which have been protected, preserved, and restored. We recognize the time, energy, and resources poured out to ensure every detail is meticulous to return a forgotten classic to its original form and value.
The same can be true for our marriages as well. In other words, do we treat our wives like an old, beat-up pickup truck with 300,000 miles on it or a vintage classic worth millions? Do we care for every detail of their character or leave them out to pasture only to rust-away in the harsh elements? Can we not begin to treat our wives with the same care and concern as we would restoring a classic car? In comparison, are they not of greater value, if not infinitely more valuable?
For example, a man who dates his wife regularly, creatively expresses his love, seeks to better himself, and listens to understand her better is paramount. It communicates that she is his most prized possession. The problem is that the level of maintenance we put into our marriages is minimal. In other words, we may change the oil periodically on our marriages and put on a new set of tires every 5-10 years, but that is about it when it comes to the time, energy, and resources we invest protecting the hearts and minds of our wives.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22).
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10).
PERSONAL TESTIMONY:
I was reminded today of a memory I once shared with my wife. A photo from a trip we took 11-years ago popped up on my phone. When I opened the reel, a picture of her came across the screen and my heart skipped a beat. My jaw dropped and I was speechless by how beautiful my bride was at that moment in time. What struck me more, though, we that she has not changed a bit since that day. She is equally as beautiful physically, but she has aged like a fine wine in my eyes because her character and countenance have stood the test of time and testified to her godliness as a wife and mother.
However, I immediately felt remorse that I do not give her more opportunities to take my breath away. Ashamedly, I have fallen victim to laziness and making excuses, allowing frequent date nights to fall by the wayside. I certainly express words of affirmation to her on a daily basis, but I neglect prioritizing quality time to remind her how special and attractive she is in my eyes after 22-years of marriage.
Truly, the worst decision I can make is not taking God’s Word seriously, owning my sins of not taking better care of my wife’s heart and mind, and putting action steps into place to ensure I do not succumb to laziness again. My wife is God’s greatest treasure to me. She has endured spiritual warfare due to my sins and stuck with me through the darkest valleys. How can she not be more beautiful to me now than ever before? The truth is that she is priceless in my eyes.
“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28).
BOTTOM-LINE:
The difference between wisdom and foolishness is whether we take the knowledge God has given us and do something about it. Not very often are we given second chances in life, but rest assured that TODAY is an opportunity for positive change. Our wives are still with us. They carry hope close to their hearts that the men they married are capable of greatness. They simply want to see action take place in our hearts. Rest assured, they will give us opportunity to redeem ourselves, but we must step up to the plate and love them as Christ loves the church!
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:25–27).
Men, we cannot fail in our mission nor revert back to our old, selfish patterns of behavior which distracted us from protecting our wives’ hearts and minds. Failure is not an option! They must know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are just as attracted and captivated with them today as we were the day we committed our lives till death do us part, if not more.
Love and admiration grows with time, and that begins with recognizing what a blessing our brides are for putting up with our imperfections and selfishness on a daily basis. May that truth alone be motivation to begin anew and invest the time, energy, and resources required to care for the emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being of our beautiful, precious, and priceless brides.
“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:9).
MEN: Want to become a better spiritual leader but don’t know where to start? Consider this transformational, men’s Bible study curriculum, WILDERNESS SURVIVAL Vol-1 & Vol-2, by clicking on the images above. Discover the answers you’ve been looking for once and for all by studying 40 different issues every man struggles with in his life and marriage. It is not like any men’s study you’ve ever experienced!
